The Big Green Giant Needs A Little Steam
by Psychological-smut-by-night
Summary: Harley is Tony Stark's oldest friend. She beautiful, exotic, and a shameless tease. She's the kind of girl Bruce knew would never be interested in him, but while she's staying at the tower she seems to love flirting with him. Is this serious or is she just playing a game, with Tony Stark's oldest friend you can't really be sure. Bruce X OC
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So it's been forever since I've uploaded anything but I have time over the summer and idea's in my head so why not. This is not Age of Ultron compatible but can totally be a haven for you if you don't like bruceX natasha ( I don't diss the pairing in this story but I know a lot of people aren't crazy about it). Obviously I don't own the Avengers ( though I wish I did). Please be gentle with me- it's been a while and I may be rusty at first. I'm the only one making these spelling mistakes kids so enjoy them. Harley is mine 3**

Tony was in his lab as usual when his phone started to ring

 _Boy, I will be your sexy silk_

 _Wrap me around, 'round, 'round, 'round_

 _I'll be your pussycat licking at your-_

"What do you want Harley?" Tony muttered trying to balance his phone against his ear with his shoulder as he tackled a particularly expensive piece of equipment for his suit.

"Tony baby! I would think you might be happy to hear from me considering I'm back in New York" Harley joked as she strode confidently down the busy sidewalk- her heels clicking loudly with every step.

"When you say you're in New York please tell me you mean you're staying in the village with other wacky bohemian writers discussing ridiculous sex positions and smoking lots of pot" he said as he glanced over at a mildly concerned Bruce who was tinkering away at his own lab table across the room.

"No honey I mean I can see the tower up close and personal- god you'd think Pepper would have made sure you made it less gaudy this time around but I guess not- why Tony do you not want my charming company?" She teased as she approached the entrance to the tower.

"How close are you? I'll tell Jarvis to let you in" he muttered while trying to make his damn suit cooperate

"Thank you, I'll have him point me in your direction. See you soon" She said hanging up before he could say another word.

Harley was 35 now and as disgustingly successful as she could ever have imagined- what had started as a desire to be a doctor had somehow become writing self help books about sex, and damn if those didn't sell. So there she was- dressed in Channel with stunning black leather Christian Louboutin pumps clicking against the stone floors that now led to Stark Industries' updated labs.

"Tony Stark put down your big shiny metal suit and come give me a hug, do you know how many times Pepper has called me panicked that you're going to get yourself blown up? I figured it was time to give you a motherly talking to" Harley chastised as she wrapped her arms around her old friend

"Harley you're 5 years younger than I am and you smoke pot with hippie authors between writing cheep books for women who's husbands can't make them cum" Tony sneered as he tried to get out of her hug

"First of all- I don't smoke pot between books I have no idea where you got that idea considering you were the first person to ever get me stoned- which no we can't do- Pepper will kill us and I can't handle myself stoned anymore. Secondly those women need to know how to find their g-spot and how to have open conversations with their partner about clitoral stimulation. No one should ever fake an orgasm- it's sacrilege." Suddenly Harley noticed an attractive man sitting behind a desk in the corner with lightly tanned skin and wispy black hair. "Oh! I'm sorry you must be Dr. Bruce Banner- Tony's told me great things.

"Tony says nice things about me?" Bruce asked shyly with a hint of wit

"Oh of course- I mean he tells a lot of terribly stupid stories of trying to jab you with lab equipment but somewhere in there he definitely complimented you as a scientist, I joke that you guys are science bros all the time" Harley teased as she walked over to the doctor

"Harley! you weren't supposed to tell him about science bros. Go find a room for yourself, Jarvis can help you, I have science-y stuff to do that you wouldn't understand" He said sticking out his tongue and going back over to his suit.

"Well doctor what floor do you have?" Harley asked turning her attention back to the doctor as she leaned over his table- exposing her sizeable cleavage should he decide to indulge

"I have my own floor for …safety reasons" Bruce mumbled without making eye contact

" Well I don't know anyone else and everyone here could also kill me without batting an eye. Plus I'm not going anywhere near Tony and Pepper's penthouse- they fuck like rabbits having an asthma attack. Seriously it's disturbing- and I write books telling menopausal women how to make masturbation a normal and fun part of their lives. Please Bruce I'll stay out your way and I promise not to try and stab you with things for shits and giggles like Tony. Please?" Harley begged sinking lower onto the table and emphasizing her cleavage even more. This time Bruce gave her cleavage a quick glance before nodding.

"Thank you! I'll have Jarvis guide me, you're a lifesaver" Harley giggled throwing her arms around the shy scientist, Bruce- not being used to hugs -immediately stiffened.

Harley realized immediately how uncomfortable Bruce was and pulled back quickly mumbling an apology before dashing out of the labs. Once she felt she was out of sight she looked back and saw Bruce struggling to adjust his pants- as if they had suddenly gotten a bit too tight in the crotch. So while the hug had thrown him off his guard- he didn't have a totally negative reaction to her presence.

 _"Good"_ She thought to herself as she skipped playfully towards the elevator. 

**so it's meh? I hope you're at least intrigued. I promise it'll get better. I'm actually studying psychology and doing a minor in sexuality and the sex books are what some of my friends joke that I'll end up doing. Gotta agree with Harley- Never fake an orgasm. Review and let me know what you think 3**

 **-psychological smut by night**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I wanted to push out a second chapter just to give it a bit more to build on. I don't own the avengers but I do own Harley**

Bruce was reeling, it was like being in highschool again and having a popular girl ask him to do her physics homework in exchange for a smile and a quick hug.

"Who the hell was that?" Bruce asked- more to himself than to Tony but he really did need an explanation for a beautiful woman charming him into letting someone stay on his floor.

"That. Is. Harley. I've known her for years. We met in Egypt back when I had just inherited the business. Her father was an American soldier and her mother was an Egyptian women- she was 18 and funny as hell and wanted to come to America to go to University, originally to be a doctor but that faded pretty quick once she got here- Im not saying I was a bad influence but.. you know me- can't resist temptation. I loaned her money for university, she would tell me to be careful when I would make a shady weapons deal, Pepper loves her- thinks she's a good influence on me but that's probably because she gives Pepper all sorts of weird and kinky sex advice. She's like an annoying younger sister but with all the Avengers stuff I've been trying to keep her away from the tower. Clearly she decided the tower was safe enough to visit because here she is" Tony explained as Bruce listened attentively

Bruce reflected on the woman who had just left. She had smooth almond skin with brilliant laugh lines etched into her skin- she looked happy and fun, she was incredibly well dressed and had long silky black hair that swung behind her with each step. Bruce thought back to her body as she leaned over his desk- dear god her body was fantastic- in a tight but professional suit and skirt combo she looked like a naughty secretary and she knew it. That was the thing that caught Bruce's attention- she wasn't sweet like Betty, or intimidating like Natasha, or even professional like Maria- she was just this crazy, unbelievable fantasy.

"Earth to Bruce- big boy- you okay?" Tony asked waving his hand in front of Bruce's face. Bruce didn't know when Tony had migrated over to his desk but Tony was wearing the smirk that said that he knew what Bruce was thinking

"No- I mean yes I'm fine, thanks" Bruce mumbled trying to sound like he had his shit together.

"Don't worry big guy- she has that effect. Theres something about her, it turns men and women to putty" Tony laughed patting his friend on the shoulder

"So you two never…"

"Oh god no are you kidding me ew. She's like my kid sister. Plus we met when she was young, she was scared and trapped- her mother had been killed a few months earlier and her father wanted nothing to do with her. I may be an asshole but even I have limits" Tony said shooting the doctor an indignant look

"Well I'm proud Tony, this is like seeing a whole different side of you" the doctor laughed while turning his attention back to his work. He was trying not to ponder his new floor mate, for the most part unsuccessfully.

"PEPPER! Guess who's come to save you from the tower of superheroes!?"

"Harley! Oh my god I'm so glad to see you. Have you gone to bother Tony already?" Pepper laughed as she gave her friend a great big hug

"Of course, plus I met Dr. Banner. That man is easy on the eyes if I do say so myself" They both giggled at Harley's comments. All the women in the tower and over at shield knew that Bruce had that shy scientist thing going on, it was an undisputed fact.

"Paws off- he's not the kind for a fuck and run. Speaking of fuck and run when do I get to read your new book? You said this one was filled with even more juicy things" Pepper asked blushing profusely

"Pepper you know my moto, you should never be embarrassed about sex- especially considering the way you and Tony go at it jeez. Yeah, this one has all sorts of tips and tricks I picked up while traveling. I'll let you read the advanced copy once I'm settled on my floor, a floor far, far away from you and Tony trying sex positions depicted on ancient greek pottery" Harley laughed backing away from the women who was turning an even brighter shade of red

"Harley! Shut up. Go unpack and please remember that some of the people who live here are trained assassins who will kick your ass so keep your Tony Stark Sass to a minimum please? For me? We just finished the renovation" Pepper begged as Harley made her exit grabbing her purse and ignoring Pepper's warnings as she strode back towards the elevator

"Yes, Yes darling don't upset the god and don't sleep with the superheroes I know, I know"

 **So less awful? hopefully. I'm trying to find my groove again so please reviews are appreciated 3**

 **-Psychological smut by night**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: So here's chapter 3 (again) thank you guys for letting me know- I'm not really sure what was up with it but hopefully this one is okay**

Bruce was finally heading back to his room to sleep, Pepper had someone gotten Jarvis to start playing Kidz Bop at 2am to get Tony and Bruce to head to bed- it was the only thing that kept them from staying up all night.

"Hey Bruce"

" Oh hi Harley- I didn't expect you to be up and walking around the floor, did I wake you on my way up" Bruce asked her shuffling his feet awkwardly as he leaned against his doorframe

"Oh god no- I just had a nightmare and didn't really feel like going back to bed- nothing to worry about. What about you? Working hard on new scientific frontiers?" Harley teased as she mimicked his actions

" Basically. Harley I know this is forward but I have to ask- why did you pick the room closest to me?"

"For safety"

"That's the lest safe option, aren't you afraid?" Bruce asked, his voice rising just a touch about his usually calm tones

"Inshallah" Harley proclaimed waving her hands absentmindedly

"God willing?You don't seem particularly religious" Bruce chuckled

"I'm not, I'm a terrible Egyptian I don't even go by my real name"

"What is it"

"Hasina Nader" Harley replied, her own name feeling strange on her tongue

"Pretty, but only if God wills it will you be safe?" he asked- baffled by he logic

"we both know there are worse ways to die" she flippantly replied

"Even if it was someone you cared about who did it to you?" Bruce's voice had taken on a pained edge at the direction of their conversation

"An adults life is filled with betrayal Bruce. At least it would be an accident" Harley couldn't understand Bruce's logic how could he be so naive? He was a good man and it would be an accident- it didn't even rank in her top 50 worst ways to die. If Bruce was going to purposely throw poisonous spiders on her this would be a different story

"I can't believe you really think like that! Also I'm not sure I believe you when you say you don't smoke pot anymore with that attitude" Bruce was frustrated but he knew that some people just didn't see it the same way he did- he was the one who would live with it forever.

"Well what's your secret?" She asked appreciating the shift in topic

"Not large baggies of pot" Bruce laughed as he remembered Tony accusing him of exactly that when they first met

"Well what ever it is it works" she muttered before entering her room and disappearing out of sight

" HARLEY! Get up its time to meet the kids"

"Ugh Tony you son of a bit-"

"Harley come on the rest of the team is here and these people make HUGO BOSS models look like average people" Pepper yelled through the door

"Okay mom and dad- thanks for the hookup info, I'll put on my best lingerie" Harley yelled back sarcastically as she rolled out of bed

"Ew Harley stop being gross and come up for breakfast" Tony grumbled as he dragged Pepper back to the kitchen

Despite promising her best lingerie Harley closed he bedroom door behind her 15 minutes later wearing a light floral summer dress and beige pumps- at 5,4 a girl's gotta compensate

"So your best lingerie huh?"

"Holy shit Bruce you startled me! That little comment was for Tony's benefit- I don't drag the good lingerie out for just any stranger. Though I am curious as to how you heard that Dr. Banner" Harley said practically leering at Bruce with a smirk planted delicately on her lips

"Ugh... I don't think Tony ever anticipated I'd have permanent neighbours so the walls are pretty thin" Bruce replied growing shy as a pink blush blossomed on his tan cheeks

"That's a mortifying thought- I hope you can't hear me singing in the shower"

"Well actually-"

"Oh god! Bruce why didn't you say something!"Harley cried as her own cheeks began to feel a little warm. As she reflected on her shower playlist from the past few days she realized Bruce may have heard a few too many filthy renditions of classic Beyoncé for her to ever be able to look him in the face again- from now on she would sing the wiggles or she would shut up

"You have a pretty voice" Bruce mumbled, tearing Harley away from her inner rant

"Oh thank you but don't worry from now on I'll keep it strictly PG- Kidz Bop for me I swear"

"Please anything is better than Kidz Bop, seriously I'm not going to have an aneurysm because you sing 'Drunk in Love' in the shower"

"Yeah okay- I'm gunna go meet the rest of the Avengers now because I don't think I'm capable of being more embarrassed, see you at breakfast" Harley spit out before running towards the elevator and racing for the kitchen

'Wow Bruce you are just so smooth with the ladies' Bruce thought to himself as he headed for the stairs- 12 flights of stairs would do him a lot of good

 **AN: so another chapter down, don't worry I already have the next chapter written. I appreciate your support, remember follows, favourite, and reviews keep your authors alive**

 **-Psychological smut by night**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: so I tried to upload this earlier on my way home but the format got all screwed up but I wanted to make sure I cleaned it up before tomorrow so here you go (don't worry the next two chapters are already written I'm just polishing them up now)**

"Jeez Harley finally I offer you a chance to meet THE Avengers and I have to drag your sassy ass out of bed just to get you to have breakfast with them all" Tony whined as Harley entered the kitchen

"Well Tony I've only met you and Bruce so far and you set so bad of an example that you're lucky I was brave enough to show up- could you imagine a whole group of people like Tony? Before I met I figured your ego must have annoyed all the aliens away" Harley grumbled as she walked over to Pepper to grab breakfast "wow pancakes, real edible pancakes, who's responsible?"

" That would be me ma'am" Steve replied

" oh shit captain America made pancakes- mhhhhh excellent pancakes by the way. Please you're going to have to call me Harley though" she laughed as she made her way over to the table and shook Steve's hand

"Will do ma'- Harley"

"I am Thor Odinson, son of Odin and future ruler of Asgard it is a pleasure to meet you Lady Harley" He said as he stabbed his own set of pancakes and bowed his head in her direction

"It's a pleasure to meet you too Thor I have heard many an awe inspiring tale of your conquests" she replied respectfully- it wasn't everyday you met an actual god straight out of Norse mythology at the breakfast table

"I'm Natasha, and that's Clint" said the very attractive redhead beside Steve. On her other side was a tall, slim man with shaggy dirty blonde hair who was stuffing his face full of pancakes

"Iss mice two mweet wou" he said with his mouth still full of pancake

"Ugh you too..." Harley replied as she sat beside Tony

"Jeez Clint can you try swallowing first before you speak" Natasha said smacking his arm

"Sorry Nat but seriously these are like the best pancakes I've ever had" Clint muttered as he continued gorging himself

"Yeah well gramps here has had decades to perfect the recipe" Natasha chuckled, shooting Steve a playful smirk

"Hey careful with those gramps comments there Romanoff or else no pancakes for you" Steve winked at the assassin making a grab for her pancakes

" . For. You!" Tony yelled grinning from ear to ear as everyone gave a halfhearted chuckle

"I don't get it" said Steve looking around the group

"It's from a show called Seinfeld Steve, don't worry -now that I realize how neglectful Tony has been in your pop culture education I personally volunteer!" Harley chuckled feeling sorry for the poor guy, talk about a terrible case of culture shock

" thank you Harley I'd appreciate it, Tony's idea of introducing pop culture to me was an I-pad and strange pornography" Steve said with confusion and a little disgust, clearly Steve was very out of his element

"Silly Tony they had porn back in Stevie's day, you're a terrible educator" Harley said in a mock disappointed tone

"Wow what did I miss?" Bruce asked hesitantly

"All of the fun! Where have you been? Jarvis said you left your room at the same time as Harley?!" Tony demanded looking between the two

"I took the stairs" said Bruce trying to act nonchalant as he grabbed a few pancakes and sat down in the only seat left- the one beside Harley

"Why didn't you just take the elevator with Harley...?" Tony prodded

"I'm trying to get more light cardio into my life" Bruce lied as his cheeks started to get warm again

"Well buddy I'm sure Harley here could suggest a few better ideas for 'light cardio'" Tony teased winking at his two best friends

"Pardon me?!" Harley joked out as she took huge gulps of juice to clear her throat

"Well you are our sexpert, you have a degrees in sex for goodness sakes" Tony replied chuckling

"Oh of course THATS what you meant Tony Baloney" Harley sneered sticking out her tongue

"I'm sorry- Tony Baloney?! That's fucking hilarious" Natasha cried laughing into her pancakes

"You're dead to me Sassy Hasi" Tony said as he stabbed pancakes furiously

"Sorry but sassy Hasi is no way as bad as Tony Baloney" chuckled Clint as he shoved a huge piece of pancake into his mouth- he was grinning ear to ear

"Yeah well careful there Harley- I know where you sleep"

"Yeah well I know how you lost your virginity"

"Ah but I know who you lost your's to"

"Tony that is not a bad story- that story is fucking awesome please I dare you to tell it to people" Harley smirked knowing that she had worse dirt on Tony than he had on her

"I don't think I've heard this story" muttered Pepper- who had heard so many stories from both of them that it was a miracle if she kept them straight

"Tony let's be honest, me sleeping with Harrison Ford is was better than you sleeping with the hot newscaster from 'Good Morning New York' like don't get me wrong she was gorgeous but you slept with her when she was 50 after bad plastic surgery- Harrison Ford is always sexy in my mind as long as I consider the 4th Indiana Jones movie to be a traumatic memory and strongly repress it"

Everyone was totally silent for a second before Pepper turned to Harley and asked

"Show me this newscaster"

"Can do"

"What are you doing up here?" Harley asked as she climbed onto the roof

"Yoga- how did you even figure out how to get up here, it took me a month to even figure out I could get onto the roof" asked Bruce as he sat cross legged on his huge yoga mat

" I asked Jarvis- plus Tony always has roof access. He thinks it's redundant because he has patios and balconies and the lot but roofs always feel like secrets- like you probably shouldn't be up here but you are and so its this big secret place you have. You know? Harley asked hoping that her rant sounded better to Bruce than it had to her

"Yeah no, I know what you mean exactly- wanna join me?" He asked shyly pointing to the edge of his gigantic yoga mat

"Is this part of your magic elixir to control anger issues because if so I've been doing it wrong" Harley chuckled as she plopped herself down on the mat

"It depends... Show me what you've been doing" Bruce replied in a calm voice that reminded her of a nanny she'd had as a child

"Bruce I mostly came over here to be polite and make conversation- I'd be hard pressed to do any real yoga poses other than downward dog" she teased giving him a wink

"Ugh... O-Okay well we'll start with that" he stuttered

"Remember you asked for it" she said peeling off her shoes and adjusting her dress. As much as she tried to emerge into downward facing dog as gracefully and calmly as she knew yoga instructors expected, it was really more like a cat stretching after getting left out in the rain but at least she tried to make it look sexy.

Bruce took a moment to blatantly stare as she arched her back, her previous short dress was now dangerously close to riding up over her ass and her legs were stretched out and firm due to the balance required for what she was trying to do.

"I told you- I came for conversation not to be reminded how much I suck at yoga" Harley chuckled as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to face him

"You're really not that bad" Bruce smiled as she held the pose

"Yeah well I like the sunflower one- that's my kind of yoga" Harley grumbled as she tried to stay upright

"Do you mean sun salutation? The resting pose?"

"Exactly- resting. I'm all about resting" She chuckled as she switched from downward dog to a starfish on the mat

"Harley I don't think that's a yoga position" Bruce teased as she stretched out and curled up on the mat on her side to face him

"It's a relaxing position Bruce- you should try it sometime" she smirked poking his knee

"No thanks, I'm enjoying my sun salutations" he laughed as he took deep breaths

"Mhhh Bruce you're making me want to sleep, I'm officially using your lap as a pillow if you don't object- since when has Tony started getting up before 11am?! I thought I was having a nightmare this morning when he knocked on my door" Harley chuckled nuzzling into Bruce's beige cotton pants

"Ugh... I think it's Pepper's doing she seems good for him" Bruce replied trying not to think about the blood relocating itself away from his brain when he felt her breath dance across high thigh

"Oh she is, he used to be a mess. Well we used to be a mess together. He made dangerous deals and I sold whatever rubbish paid the bills, we partied a lot, drank too much, and did too many drugs. When we were younger we would laugh ourselves silly about all our crazy stories, now we both just think they're crazy- which is probably a symptom of getting old but I think a good portion of that is because Pepper really grounded Tony and it rubbed off on me too"

"So Pepper is like the older sister you never had" Bruce asked tentatively

"For sure, which is weird because technically I'm the older sister" she chuckled sadly

"I don't understand, Pepper is older than you isn't she?"

"Oh -yeah she is, I mean literally. I had a little sister once- she died when I was 12"

" I'm so sorry" Bruce said- feeling totally out of his element

"No no it's okay honestly she was very young and she had a weak heart- the doctors were surprised she lasted so long" Harley mumbled- starting to feel sadness wrap around her

"Hey I know it doesn't mean much but you would've made a great older sister- but seeing as how the universe had other plans, the idea of you being Pepper's younger sister is pretty cute" Bruce said in what he hoped was a soothing voice. He must have said something right because Harley sat up and put her head on his shoulder

"Thank you Bruce, I'll remember that next time Pepper and I wear short dresses" she giggled giving him an exaggerated wink

"Tisk tisk I guess it shouldn't surprise me that the sexologist makes sex jokes to manipulate the conversation" Bruce taunted throwing his head back to enjoy the sun on his face. Without warning Harley threw her leg over Bruce's lap to straddle him and leaning in close

"Oh yeah? Well I'll have you know Dr. Banner that I am full of surprises" with that she climbed off his lap, put her pumps back on and made a show of walking away.

A few hours later Tony was once again assembling everyone- this time for dinner.

"Jeez Tony you've really become a sit down dinner, family man" Harley teased giving him an affectionate pat on the cheek

"What can I say, I enjoy being surrounded by my loving children" Tony laughed as he handed out boxes of Chinese takeout

"And we love you too boss man- as long as the food keeps coming" Clint chuckled grabbing a box of lemon chicken and digging in

"Is Bruce not coming to dinner?" Harley asked trying to act innocent

"he's probably down in the lab. If Pepper didn't drag me up here I'd probably be there too- now that I have Thor and captain America to compete with I really have to add a few more tricks to the suit" Tony replied while playing tug of war over the lemon chicken with Clint

"yeah well... As concerning as that thought is I'm gunna take a plate of food down for him before he starves" Harley said grabbing a little something out of all the boxes and piling it onto a paper plate.

"Ohhh Harley and Brucie sitting in a tree k-I-S-S-I-N- holy shit Natasha what the fuck no throwing knives" he screamed as a kitchen knife imbedded itself into the wall behind him curtesy of the lovely assassin

" It was clint's idea" she replied putting her hands in the air to emphasis her innocence

"What the fuck Clint knife throwing is not cool at the kitchen table"

"Yeah well maybe if you gave me the lemon chicken back you'd feel safer" Clint smirked while making a grab at it

 **AN: So there you go I promise LOTS of stuff is happening next chapter (thats why I had to break it up like this- but as promised its already written and the story has planning and an arch I swear) Remember your author lives off of favourites, follows, and reviews so show your love ;)**

 **Psychological smut by night**


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